ON THE 28TH DAY OF THE 62 DAYS OF THE AMERICAN COMMERCIAL WINTERTIME FESTIVAL

On the 28th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me – 28 coupons good only on Black Friday.


I prefer to call the December holiday period The American Commercial Wintertime Festival, since that name more accurately describing it than the old-fashioned, outdated term “Christmas.”


Very little Christian remains in the December holiday these days. There are, true, the old carols, blared at full volume in Mall muzak and endlessly repeated on FM stations starting on 1 November. However, most of the holiday consists of American materialistic commercialism interwoven with Roman Saturnalian paganism and neo-Germanic paganism.


The holiday wastes millions of kilowatts on electrical decorations. People who normally display good taste and cultured refinement of character suddenly decorate their front yards with plastic elves, inflatable snowmen, and animated fat men in red clothes.


I won’t even go near Herr Kringle. I do not know how any well-educated secularist parent can repeat all those silly details to their children with a straight face. People who turn their noses up at mere mention of virgin birth, angelic choirs, and a moving star happily spout on about workshops in the North Pole, a one-night toy distribution to millions of children, and flying Laplandish undulates.


Those who want a nice quiet real Christmas that emphasizes the spiritual qualities must endure the advertising. On Wednesday before Thanksgiving, TV ads displayed such naked desperation that merchants did everything short of getting down on bare, bended knees to beg us to shop. SuperAmericaFirsters among us harangue us with guilt warning that if we cut back on Christmas shopping to emphasize the spiritual qualities of the holiday, we will contribute to an economic depression.


Of all the traditions of the Commercial Wintertime Festival designed to make us more anxious, Black Friday reins at the top. We cannot even get a decent night’s sleep for it: we must get up at 4:00 a.m., all bloated with turkey and stuffing and pie from the feast day before, still bleary-eyed from watching long and tedious football games on TV screens, some Cinerama sized.



RIGHT ASCENSION URGES READERS TO LOBBY FOR THESE SIMPLE CHANGES TO RESTORE CHRISTMAS.


1. Thanksgiving should be moved from Thursday to a Friday. The reason of doing this holiday on the fourth day of the week is lost in nineteenth-century cultural necessity.


2. Christmas should be moved from December 25 to the fourth Sunday of December. Nobody knows conclusively anymore the actual day of Christ’s birth. The scriptural text suggests sometime in Spring. The 25th is actually an old Roman solstice orgy day.


A Christmas on Sunday would put secular holidays on Saturdays and Monday and emphasize the Christian spiritual roots of the holiday.


3. Celebrating the Day of the Kings would further separate the spiritual holiday and the secular celebration.