THE 62 DAYS OF THE AMERICAN COMMERCIAL WINTERTIME FESTIVAL

Back in olden days when Christmas was a Christian holiday, the festival took 12 days starting with Christ’s Mass on 25 December and ending with the Day of the Magi / Kings. American commercial traditions and cultural pretentiousness transforms anything, even anything good, into A Major Big Deal. As a result we now have the 62 Days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, which starts on the first of November.


On the first day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me a fully animated plastic pink Chinese flamingo
Pricing authority: Walmart

On the second day my true love gave to me two cases of free range cornish hens on sale with a coupon
Pricing authority: Costo.

On the third day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a three-piece suite, an exact replica of sofa, love seat, and armchair located in the Drawing Room of Sandringham House – bought three-months interest free credit
Pricing authority: R. C. Willey.

On the fourth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me:4 years free unlimited calling and texting
Pricing authority: Verizon

4 Nov: Ohmyfrikingosh! Christmas decorations already hang over the concourses of University Mall, Orem Utah. Sears will open for half of Thanksgiving Day, which helps illustrate what Thanksgiving has become in the American Commercial Wintertime Festival. The mall decoration theme involves cartoon reindeer dressed in “Nutcracker” ballet costumes. Christmas used to have Christ; the Wintertime Festival has magical flying Laplandish undulates.

On the fifth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 5 percent royalties off the gross at 5 golden arches franchises along Interstate 5 in 5 San Joaquin Valley counties.
Pricing authority: McDonalds – Oak Brook, Illinois.

5 Nov: FM 100.3 and 106.3 Utah both regularly broadcast winter holiday music: Elvis crooning a carol on one, and ♬Rockin around the Christmas Tree at the Christmas party hop♬ on another.

I wonder how many FM stations regularly schedule military band music, patriotic hymns and anthems from 4 May to 4 July??

On the sixth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me, 6 gift cards for any 6 steak dinners
Pricing authority: Texas Roadhouse. – Louisville


On the seventh day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me: a $7700 line of Christmas Club credit at a 7% fixed interest rate
Pricing authority: J P Morgan Chase – New York

On the eighth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a Wilton kit to bake and decorate 8 Gingerbread men,
Pricing authority: exclusively available at Jo-Ann’s Crafts – Hudson, Ohio

On the 9th day of the 62 days of the American Commericial Wintertime Festival my true love gave to me case 9 / 544 of Tom Eddy 2002 Napa Valley California Cabernet Sauvignon from a classic hillside vineyards in Oakville Bench. “Elegant, impeccably balanced, beautifully structured, a well-built, serious wine packed with layers of fruit and promising great aging potential."

“A dark purple wine opens with an inviting nose of blackberry bouquet with hints of licorice and blueberry. On the palate, this wine is ultra smooth, elegant, with delicious black cherry flavors and spicy notes. The finish remains elegant; fine tannins linger for a tremendously long time.”

Nov 9: Meanwhile at Provo Towne Centre, the night gnomes have set up the two-story decorated tree and have started clearing the food court for Santa’s Court. The shoppes start to deck their halls with merchandising, fa la la la etc.

On the tenth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me: a coupon for 10 percent off a purchase of 10 pounds of any New Zealand lamb products.
Pricing authority: Fresh Market Place – Salt Lake City


On the 11th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: an 11 foot tall flocked artificial holiday tree with multi-colored prestrung lighting.
Pricing Authority: Tai Pan Trading, Salt Lake City.

On the 12th Day of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a years supply of cosmetics and toiletries assorted, neatly boxed both by fragrance and month.
Pricing authority: Sephora, San Francisco.

ASIDE – why would anyone name a cosmetics store after the wife of Moses?? I could understand beauty spas named “Nefertari”

MEANWHILE -- 10 Nov: Fashion Place Mall, Murray Utah, has not started setting up any of their holiday decorations, yet – though a couple of their anchor department stores have.

MEANWHILE -- 10 Nov: Fashion Place Mall, Murray Utah, has not set up any holiday decorations, yet – though 2 anchor department stores have.

12 Nov: University Mall, Orem, is in full decoration mode for the wintertime festival, and what ug-g-g-ly decorations. Plastic Ornaments on fake trees the size of mortars. 15-foot-tall reindeer wearing the most fru fru Nutcracker Ballet outfits they can find.

On the 13th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True love gave to me: 13 ultra-thin Danish wrist-watches in gold, platinum, and titanium, in 13 different sizes and styles suitable for any social occasion formal or casual.
Pricing Authority: Skagen Denmark Design Limited, Reno.

On the 14th day of the 62 days of the American commercial wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: 14 pairs of Blomdahl shin high stiletto boots closed by zippers and buckles, in colors and styles assorted for various wintertime fashion activities.
Pricing Authority: Aldo Group, Montreal

On the 15th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival my True Love gave to me A coupon for 15 percent off the total bill for a longboard (sweet ride) and clothing accessories (rad).
Pricing authority: Industrial Rideshop , Tempe Arizona

Meanwhile --16 Nov: Provo Towne Centre's workers install its holiday decor in Nutcracker Ballet motif. Ghastly elven figures and 15-foot-tall Tchaikovskyesque characters with great hideous teeth line Kris Kringle's Throne Room. Take your pick: the Jesus holiday, the Santa holiday, and the Drosselmeyer holiday. ho ho ho

On the 16th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a 16 inch x 16 mm Black Tahitian matched AAAA Pearl Necklace
Price authority: Pearl Source, Los Angeles

17 Nov: I have already visited some homes and driven past other homes that have holiday decorations up and running. My household apparently held rather old-fashioned time table -- we decorated after Thanksgiving.

On the 17th Day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee : 17 certified organic skin care products in assorted tropical fruit and spice aromas
Pricing authority: Body Shop, Littlehampton West Sussex

On the 18th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 9 pairs of art deco cufflinks in 18 karot.
Pricing authority: Cufflinks.com , Dallas

18 Nov 8:00 p.m. Provo Towne Centre: Teenagers wearing long robes and striped scarves and carrying wands start hanging about for the midnight premiere of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I" at Cinemark. For the record -- I NEVER donned Jedi priestly garb to view a "Star Wars" episode, though I might have bought ...a "Lost in Space"-suit in 1965 had I the cash.

On the 19th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival my True love gave to me:
19 tickets for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I,” IMAX Theater at Jordan Commons – plus catering services for a movie party afterwards.
Pricing authority: Larry H Miller Megaplex Theaters, Salt Lake City

Warners took SO long to produce the “Harry Potter” wandcycle that it will need to transform Hogwarts into a Graduate School to accommodate Daniel, Rupert, and Emma’s advanced ages. The last picture will feature them graduating with their MOAA degrees — Masters of Occult Arts Administration.

In Utah, certain people find the film’s nudity – supposedly brief – upsetting. More so than the excessive violence, positive portrayal of the occult, and popularizing quidditch?? Hooray for Hollywood.

On the 20th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a coupon for 20 percent off the total price of any 20 inspirational books
Pricing authority: Deseret Book, Salt Lake City
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On the 21th day of the 62 Days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a guys weekend out for me and my buddies golfing and surfing complete with golf carts, clam bake, two bungalows (20 and 21) with ocean views.
Pricing authority: The Inn at Spanish Bay, The Links at Spanish Bay, Spyglass Hill Golf Course -- Pebble Beach California

On the 22nd day my true love gave to me 22 gallons of gasoline every week for the next 22 weeks.
Pricing authority: Royal Dutch Shell plc – London.

On the 23rd day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me, 23 assorted boxes of lozenges, sprays, pills, decongestants, herbal teas, rubs, and injections to get me through the winter cold and flu season.
Pricing authority: Walgreens, Deerfield, Illinois

On the 24th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: an Egyptian art deco necklace in 24 carot
Pricing authority: Kmart — Hoffman Estates Illinois

On the 25th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: 25 chefs and waiters to do your annual Thanksgiving day brunch, Thanksgiving Day feast, and the marathon football snacking for all your in-laws who have no where else to descend but on your house.
Pricing Authority: Marvellous catering — Provo

One the 26th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a Dallas boutique hotel suite for her and her girlfriends for a shopping spree weekend complete with a personal buyer
Pricing authorities: Magnolia Hotel Downtown – Dallas
Neiman-Marcus – Dallas

on the 27th of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a coupon for 27 percent off up to 27 different BYU football designer sweaters, sweats, jerseys, t-shirts, knickknacks, and souvenirs.
Pricing authority: BYU Bookstore – Provo

On the 28th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a 28-karat diamond engagement ring in the biggest, most-vulgar, platinum Art Nuevo setting available
Pricing authority: Harry Winston on Rodeo Drive – Beverly Hills

On the 29th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love I give to thee as a token of . . . my esteem and affection: 29 assorted push ups, multi-ways, bikinis, hiphuggers, boyshorts, thongs, and garters in animal instinct patterns of various primary colors
Pricing authority: Victoria’s Secret – Columbus

On the 30th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 30 percent off all the camping gear, clothing, boots, and climbing gear necessary for a mountaineering holiday at Crestone Peak (14,300 feet)
Pricing authority: Recreational Equipment Incorporated — Kent, Washington