OPEN LETTER TO LOCAL LEADERS ON THE SUBJECT OF THE SECOND AMENDMENT AND WEAPONS CONTROL

We all have the right to hunt and to self-defense, but the Second Amendment never did address those issues. English common law did.

Here I reproduce an open letter I sent to various Utah leaders and federal Utah representatives on the subject of the Second Amendment and weapons control.

INTRODUCTION RATIONALE

After the Tucson killing outrage, certain Utah leaders talked about increasing gun availability and wearing concealed weapons when they met with constituents. What a pretty picture of civility that paints.

It did not seem to occur to any of them to promote the use and research-improvement of non-lethal weaponry. I suspect their fascination with guns must have something to do with the sexiness or violence of them.


BACKGROUND

Currently, The Second Amendment guarantees the right of a citizen to stop a person from shedding the citizen’s blood by giving the citizen the means to kill or disable the person. Instead of the person bearing responsibility for shedding the citizen’s blood, the citizen gets to take responsibility for killing the person. This really does not open up much by way of a choice.

The Second Amendment guarantees the exercise of power and dominion in militias.

The Amendment barely made sense in the 1790s when police forces did not exist, and many citizens lived in insolation or small villages. In those days the weapons were primitive. One had to load the powder, then the shot, and maybe the weapon would fire correctly and maybe hit someone if one was a good shot under pressure. And maybe not.

Now the military industrial complex builds bigger, more sophisticated, and deadly weapons. One person can do a lot of mayhem without much effort. Unfortunately, many merchants happily sell automatic weapons to just anyone who has the money. Thus the atrocity that occurred in the Tucson Safeway parking lot is not one of those things that just happens. There are cause and effects; there are reasons why.

The Second Amendment is not about hunting. English common law addressed that topic in 1791.

The Second Amendment is not about self defense. English common law covered that as well. English common law has no bearing on American life anymore.

As a result, gun enthusiasts hang their rights on an amendment that has nothing relevant about twenty-first century conditions.


THE CALL TO ACTION

1 Both the Utah Legislature and Congress should encourage research-improvement on non-lethal weaponry.

2 Congress and The States really should replace the outdated Second Amendment with two new amendments.

One should address the limits of American military power, including limits on soldiers’ minimum ages and on conscription.

The other should guarantee the right of citizens to self defense with non-lethal weaponry.

3 I urge you to help create and pass a new local law requiring gun owners to buy insurance for their guns. The gun owners, not the governments, then pay for cleaning up messes caused by misuse of guns.

4 I urge you to help create and pass another new local law requiring people who want to buy guns and/or concealed weapons to submit four notarized affidavits. Those documents should specifically endorse, for the public record, prospective gun owners as law-abiding, mentally, emotionally, physically competent to own and use a gun. Government should charge people with perjury if they lie. All four should have to agree.

Your reply for the record will be appreciated by

NEW RIGHT ASCENSION

RUTH HARDY FUNK IN MEMORIAM

Ruth Hardy Funk died, and the Deseret News article displays a startling lack of historical knowledge -- even for a Deseret News article. Here is the article, followed by the rest of the story:

Former LDS Young Women president Ruth Funk dies at home

Deseret News
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705366067/Former-LDS-Young-Women-president-Ruth-Funk-dies-at-home.html
Wendy Leonard Deseret News
Published: Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011 11:14 p.m. MST

SALT LAKE CITY — Avid pianist, choir leader, high school music teacher and former LDS Young Women General President Ruth Hardy Funk, died at her home on Saturday, nearly a week before her 94th birthday.

Funk, who led the young women of the LDS Church from 1972 to 1978, was an esteemed pianist who taught lessons and accompanied many throughout her years. She also led hundreds in choirs and classes at East High School from 1969 to 1972.

She was born in Chicago and raised in Salt Lake City, her father often encouraging her to learn tough pieces to play on the piano. According to a 2010 interview with The Mormon Women Project, Funk said she mastered Mendelssohn's Rondo Capriccioso at age 14, and it became her "signature piece."

She later played in her home for esteemed guests like Helen Keller, and took lessons from Leopold Godowsky.

Funk served as a student-body officer at both East High School, when she was a student there, and at the University of Utah, where she graduated with a degree in music in 1938. After marrying Marcus C. Funk in the Salt Lake Temple that same year, the couple moved to Chicago where he attended dental school at Northwestern University.

Upon returning to Salt Lake City, then-LDS Church President Harold B. Lee asked Funk to head the general board of the young women's Mutual Improvement Association. It was under her direction that the organization became an auxiliary to the priesthood for a time and changed its name to the Young Women program of the Church.

Funk was also instrumental in rewriting many lesson manuals and developing the YW's Personal Progress program. She served with Hortense Hogan Child Smith as her first counselor and Ardeth Greene Kapp, as second counselor in the presidency.

In 2009, President Thomas S. Monson honored Funk for her service at a special Church luncheon. Mary N. Cook, first counselor in the Young Women general presidency, said this about Funk: "Always an optimist and with an incredible zest for living, she has shared that zeal with countless children and youth. She is known for her love of music and youth and those two loves were often combined during her service."

Funk was also a member of the Utah State Board of Education from 1985 to 1992, where she served as chairman for a year. She also served as the chairman of the Governor's Commission on the Status of Women in Utah and as a board member for Bonneville International Corporation.

Funk was preceded in death by her husband, parents, three brothers and a grandson, and is survived by her four children, 19 grandchildren and 39 great-grandchildren.

A funeral will be held Friday, Feb. 18, at 11 a.m., at the Parley's 3rd Ward, 2625 Stringham Ave. A viewing will be held Feb. 17, from 6 to 8 p.m., at Larkin Sunset Mortuary, 2350 E. 1300 South.

© 2011 Deseret News Publishing Company


Ruth Funk was and did a great deal more than this – as explained by these paragraphs from Robert Gottlieb and Peter Wiley’s 1984 LDS history book: America’s Saints (pp. 195-197)

[In the 1960s], “most church members missed Correlation’s fundamental ideological character, which centered on the role of woman, the family , and their relation to the overall leadership structures and politics of the church.

“That ideological character was understood at the outset by Harold B. Lee.

“Harold B Lee had this sense of social breakdown, declared Ruth Funk, one of Lee’s key female assistants in the Correlation movement and later president of the YMMIA-AP during the Lee presidency. “He saw the breakdown of the nuclear family. Television wa also coming into play, and he could see how that might undermine traditional family roles and the danger that television might take us away from the gospel. His premise from the start was that Correlation strengthens the family." . . .


{concerning the priesthood taking direct correlation oversight-leadership of female auxiliaries in the 1960s} -- drs

“For so many years,” Ruth Funk declared, “the auxiliaries had maintained this attitude of possessiveness. Funk recalled that even while program activities were being restructured, auxiliary leaders such as Relief Society president Belle Spafford, literally would say about Funk, the emissary of the Correlation Committee, ‘Who’s that little young punk telling me what to do.”
. . .


{Ruth Funk, Harold B Lee’s correlation emissary during the 1960s, president of the YMMIA / YM-AP in the 1970s, got caught in the mid-1970s in a growing interest in “consciousness-raising” that primarily centered around a minority group of educated professional women in the church.

After Harold B. Lee died, her position became suddenly insecure; here’s why} – drs

“An informal gathering of about 25 women, most connected in one way or another with the Young Women’s group, began meeting, initially to discuss the work of that organization. Those meetings soon became kind of consciousness-raising sessions.

[a member who belonged to a “prominent Mormon family” described it: ]

“Less than a third of the people there would have called themselves feminists. They had open and honest talks. There was some griping about the way some General Authorities treated women, and they also talked about the overall relations of men and women in the church.”

When word of the meetings drifted back to the General Authorities, the reaction was swift. The meetings were immediately terminated, and Funk’s position became less secure, despite the fact that she had always remained a loyal defender of the church line on women. Not too long after, Funk was released from her position, primarily for other reasons. Nevertheless, it was clear that even such tentative, informal, unofficial gatherings as those threatened the church authorities, compounding their fears about they perceived to be attacks on church authority and the priesthood.”

THE OFFICIAL UTAH STATE WEAPON -- AN OPEN LETTER TO SENATORS WADDOUPS, BUTTARS, AND DAYTON

27 January 2011

Dear Senators Waddoups, Buttars and Dayton:

I will try to express my indignation politely.

Utah's House remains immune to facts and good taste.

Exhibit: the House’s designation on 26 January of an official Utah state Browning firearm.

This act is an embarrassment, but why stop here? Utah's legislature could designate an official Utah state assault weapon or an official Utah state bomb.

I suspect some of our more manly conservatives want an official Utah firearm to counterbalance the Utah state flower: we don’t want to give the impression we are pansies.

A veteran friend with medic experience in Iraq tells me the legislature should have selected the M2 50 caliber heavy machine gun. Browning designed in during and after The First World War, and it is still used today. If the legislature plans to embarrass Utah, at least go big.

I write sarcastically, of course. Sort of.


THE CALL TO ACTION

The Second Amendment is an out of date problem. We should be encouraging the federal Congress to replace it with two updated defense amendments. The legislature should not ennoble the Second Amendment with an official Utah firearm. I urge you and the state senators not to vote in favor of an official Utah firearm.

WEATHER SUMMARY AT MY HOUSE ON GRANDVIEW HILL PROVO

Weather Summary
Second Half of 2010

July 2010

Lowest overnight temperature: 49 (unusual 40ish July low temperature) on 3 July

Highest daytime temperature: 101 (only 100+high temperature in 2010) on 16 July

Fourth week -- 58 > 97
Fifth week -- 59 > 96


August 2010

Low overnight temperature: 48 on 24 August
High daytime temperature: 95 on 2 - 3 Aug
Warmest low overnight temperature: 68 on 18 Aug
Coolest daytime high temperature: 73 on 30 Aug

First week -- 61 > 95
Second week -- 53 > 89
Third week -- 54 > 94
Fourth week -- 48 > 94


September 2010

Low overnight temperature: 41 -- 6-7 September
Highest daytime temperature: 91 --19 Sep
Warmest low overnight temperature (unclear in record) :
61? -- 20 Sep
59 -- 22 Sep
Coolest daytime high temperature: 70 -- 6 Sep

29 Aug- 4 Sep -- 48 > 90
Second week -- 41 > 84
Third week -- 46? > 87
Fourth week -- 61? 59 > 91


October 2010

Low overnight temperature: 29 -- 30 October
High daytime temperature: 83 -- 2 Oct
Warmest low overnight temperature: 54 -- 6 Oct
Coolest daytime high temperature: 45 -- 27 Oct

26 Sep - 2 Oct -- 45 > 85
Second week -- 44 > 82
Third week -- 36 > 75
Fourth week -- 39 > 71
Fifth week -- 29 > 68


November 2010

Low overnight temperature: 07 -- Thanksgiving
high daytime temperature: 68 -- 6 Nov
Warmest low overnight temperature: 43 -- 7, 20 Nov
Coolest daytime high temperature: 23 -- 24, 25 Nov

31 Oct - 6 Nov -- 43 > 68
Second week -- 27 > 61
Third week -- 28 > 65
Fourth week -- 7 > 41


December 2010

Lowest overnight temperature: 09 -- 31 December 11:59
Highest daytime temperature: 53 -- 13 Dec
Warmest low overnight temperature: 40 -- 19 Dec
Coolest daytime high temperature: 23 -- 30, 31 Dec

2 - 4 Dec -- 27 > 47
Second week -- 27 > 53? 52
Third week -- 17 > 53
Fourth week -- 26 > 51
26 Dec - 1 January 2011 -- 3 (1-1-11) > 41


2010 EXTREMES RECORDS

Highest temperature of the year: 101 on 16 July
coldest temperature of the years 07 on Thanksgiving

Last daytime high temperature in 90s: 91 on 19 Sep
Last daytime high temperature in 80s: 82 on 3 Oct
Last daytime high temperature in 70s: 71 on 17 Oct
Last daytime high temperatures in 60s: 65 on 18 Nov
Last daytime high temperature in 50s: 51 on 19 Dec

First overnight low temperature in 30s: 37 on 13 Oct
First overnight low temperature below freezing: 31 on 27 Oct
First overnight low temperature in 20s: 29 on 30 Oct
First overnight low temperature in the 10s: 14 on 24 Nov
First overnight low temperature in single digit: 07 on 25 Nov

Last overnight low temperature in 60s:
62 (likely) on 28 Aug
61? (unclear record) on 20 Sep

Last overnight low temperature in 50s: 50 on 18 Oct
Last overnight low temperature in 40s 40 on 19 Dec

PROVO TABERNACLE RESTORATION: TEN GRIM EXPENSIVE REALITIES

Even as the Provo Tabernacle burned up Friday, local citizens and media commentators started speculating about rebuilding the wreckage into a restored Tabernacle. That will be a popular idea, especially if the LDS Church picks up the tab from its general funds and the locals do not have to pay anything by way of donations. However, we have to look at ten facts about the Provo Tabernacle, both now as a wreck and in its glory days as a meeting hall.

1. The Tabernacle provided crucial public meeting space in the days when Provo had little meeting space. Today, each Provo and Orem stake has a big stake center with seating in chapels and cultural halls. Big meeting spaces are available at the Brigham Young University Marriott Center and the Utah Valley University Activities Center. Those universities provide other big rooms and venues. Within a couple of years the Utah Valley Convention Center will provide further meeting spaces. The Tabernacle’s meeting space proved useful, but in the 21st century, it took its place among many places suitable for community and stake gatherings.

2. The LDS Church tore down many tabernacles in the mid 20th century because they became costly to maintain, heat, and cool. They also did not accommodate the modern automobile age.

The Provo Tabernacle displays those problem points. It was a 19th century structure in a 19th century location in the 21st century. It owns a tiny private parking lot and must rely on street parking and the indulgence of NuSkin to lend tabernacle patrons its parking terrace at NuSkin’s convenience. NuSkin’s parking terrace received construction money that stipulated the terrace would be a public parking terrace after hours. That is better than nothing, for sure; but not exactly a real parking solution.

Ideally, the Church should replace the park north of the Tabernacle with a planter box garden. Underneath it should construct a two or three level underground parking garage with an entrance at its northeast corner (on Center Street), with an exit at its southwest corner (on University Avenue), and elevators and staircases lining the west and south walls.

3. Had it not burned, the Church would have faced a desperately-needed seismic refit of the Provo Tabernacle foundation – and soon. The Church built the structure in 1883 - 1898 at a time when neither scientists nor city building planners knew anything about plate tectonics. The Tabernacle sits within three miles of The Wasatch Fault; we do not wonder if an earthquake could affect Provo; we know someday a major earthquake will affect Provo. The question is when. If the Tabernacle had not burned, if seismic refit springs had not been fitted under the foundation, the building could collapse like a house of cards in a major earthquake.

The exterior walls would have proven troublesome even if the Tabernacle had not burned. Now the damage makes them even more troublesome. The Church decided back in the 1890s to built the exterior walls in local brick, soft local-19th-century-bricks. In an earthquake, brick buildings may very well shed their bricks like snakes shedding their skins during the molt.

4 Provo’s earthquake probabilities require a rebuilt Tabernacle with reinforced foundation and steel beams in the walls. It will need seismic reinforcement as well. All of this will make the building safer but it makes the building more expensive to construct.

5 This brings us to the unhappy, somewhat complex issue of the exterior walls. Brick walls are impractical in earthquake zones. When the big one hits, brick walls will go down like proverbial topsy. The Tabernacle’s walls consist of 19th century brick products fired in ways not consistent with modern building codes. Therefore, in the interests of safety, the restored Tabernacle should be accented with bricks but built out of some sort of 21st century stone product.

5. The Church should tear down the old heating plant building between the NuSkin parking terrace and the Tabernacle’s west facade and replace it with more modern heating and cooling equipment, preferably in some sort of new fire resistant mechanical basement space under the Tabernacle. Tearing down the plant will free up more space for parking and the new Tabernacle.

More building space will be crucial: a restored Tabernacle must meet modern codes and regulations, and that means elevators. And handicap accessibility. And heating and cooling up to code. And smoke and heat detectors. And fire doors in the staircases. And a sprinkling system.

6. It needs bigger restrooms. Our pioneer ancestors must have had the containment of camels. From 1973 to 2010, I have attended many conferences when, during the singing intermission, the Saints lined up in the halls waiting for their turn to go to come.

I would not say the Tabernacle’s men’s room was the smallest, most-primitive facility where I ever peed, but it is close. The Church must somehow increase Tabernacle rest room facilities. .

7. The Church should replace the Tabernacle wood rafters with steel trusses.

The original roof design of Provo Tabernacle architect William Folsom comes down through history as a classic example of an architectural concept that was ahead of its time and available technology. That original roof featured the four pointed conical roofs on top of the corner circular staircases and a huge witch’s hat of a central tower located where the roof crosses came together. From 1898 to 1917, the tabernacle had five towers.

In the second decade of the 20th century, the roof started sagging under the weight of the central tower. The roof problem made the whole building unsafe; so down came the tower, but the tower box stayed. That solved the problem for twenty years, and then the roof started to sag again. Again the roof made the Tabernacle generally unsafe. In 1949, the roof got redesigned again. So the attic represented three design processes and wood ranging in age from 110 plus years to 60 plus years. All heavy, high-quality very dry wood. No wonder the whole structure went up in smoke in a few minutes.

8 The new roof / attic should feature steel trusses, fire proofing, and fire walls. The roof / attic should have received those features as part of the renovation in the 1980s, but that is another issue as to the institutional LDS Church’s stewardship. With steel in the roof, and with the coming of lighter 21st century building materials, the Church should rebuild the central tower on the Tabernacle. The tower could even have sky lights to bring more light into the central space.

9. The heating plant building has beautiful brick work in its chimney, but it is an eyesore anyway. The chimney stands as tall as the west towers and detracts from the Tabernacle. The chimney should go. I suppose it was a good idea that the heating plant is separate from the building so that if it catches fire, the tabernacle does not catch fire. Oh wait — that is irrelevant now. The antebuilding should go as well.

10. The pews in the Tabernacle were proof positive that our pioneer ancestors were Munchkins with butts of iron. If any of the pews survived the blaze, it will go down in church history as a modern miracle. Our pioneer craftsmen built some curved benches for the balcony. Those will prove prohibitively expensive to reproduce nowadays. The new tabernacle will need more leg room and individual upholstered padded theater seating.

Condoleezza Rice is speaking WHERE?

Brigham Young University sent the following mass email to all of its students and employees:

"A special university forum, featuring former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, will be on Thursday, Jan. 13, 2011. This forum will be co-sponsored by the Wheatley Institution and the Kennedy Center.

"The university is switching all events that occur at the 11 a.m. hour on Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2011, with those that occur at the 11 a.m. hour on Thursday, Jan. 13, 2011. Please adjust your schedules or syllabi accordingly.

"Additionally, the university is unable to broadcast (or rebroadcast) to any other locations (on or off campus), the internet or BYU-TV. Dr. Rice’s speech and Q & A only can be heard in the Marriott Center.As usual, the forum will begin at 11:05 a.m. Faculty members are encouraged to dismiss preceding classes promptly at 10:50 a.m.

A special university forum, featuring former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, will be on Thursday, Jan. 13, 2011. This forum will be co-sponsored by the Wheatley Institution and the Kennedy Center."The university is switching all events that occur at the 11 a.m. hour on Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2011, with those that occur at the 11 a.m. hour on Thursday, Jan. 13, 2011. Please adjust your schedules or syllabi accordingly."Additionally, the university is unable to broadcast (or rebroadcast) to any other locations (on or off campus), the internet or BYU-TV. Dr. Rice’s speech and Q & A only can be heard in the Marriott Center.As usual, the forum will begin at 11:05 a.m. Faculty members are encouraged to dismiss preceding classes promptly at 10:50 a.m."

RIGHT ASCENSION CAN STANDS ONLY SO MUCH AND I CAN STANDS NO MORE

BYU'S legendary bad taste in forum speaker selection strikes again. First Mr Cheney. Now Ms. Rice.

I do not wish to put too fine a point to it-- but we should send the starring cast members of the Second Bush Administration -- George, Dick, Don, and Condi -- somewhere in Europe to stand trial for crimes against humanity. We should not encourage them with book sales and with speaking engagements in front of impressionable young Cougars.

RIGHT ASCENSION'S CALL TO ACTION

The students should spent that hour on 11 January reading their scriptures. The second part of The Book of Alma would be a good place.

For starters, I encourage people to write pointed letters to the editors of the Deseret News, Salt Lake Tribune, Provo Herald, and BYU Universe decrying this. I'll get started today with my letters

THE 62 DAYS OF THE AMERICAN COMMERCIAL WINTERTIME FESTIVAL

Back in olden days when Christmas was a Christian holiday, the festival took 12 days starting with Christ’s Mass on 25 December and ending with the Day of the Magi / Kings. American commercial traditions and cultural pretentiousness transforms anything, even anything good, into A Major Big Deal. As a result we now have the 62 Days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, which starts on the first of November.


On the first day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me a fully animated plastic pink Chinese flamingo
Pricing authority: Walmart

On the second day my true love gave to me two cases of free range cornish hens on sale with a coupon
Pricing authority: Costo.

On the third day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a three-piece suite, an exact replica of sofa, love seat, and armchair located in the Drawing Room of Sandringham House – bought three-months interest free credit
Pricing authority: R. C. Willey.

On the fourth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me:4 years free unlimited calling and texting
Pricing authority: Verizon

4 Nov: Ohmyfrikingosh! Christmas decorations already hang over the concourses of University Mall, Orem Utah. Sears will open for half of Thanksgiving Day, which helps illustrate what Thanksgiving has become in the American Commercial Wintertime Festival. The mall decoration theme involves cartoon reindeer dressed in “Nutcracker” ballet costumes. Christmas used to have Christ; the Wintertime Festival has magical flying Laplandish undulates.

On the fifth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 5 percent royalties off the gross at 5 golden arches franchises along Interstate 5 in 5 San Joaquin Valley counties.
Pricing authority: McDonalds – Oak Brook, Illinois.

5 Nov: FM 100.3 and 106.3 Utah both regularly broadcast winter holiday music: Elvis crooning a carol on one, and ♬Rockin around the Christmas Tree at the Christmas party hop♬ on another.

I wonder how many FM stations regularly schedule military band music, patriotic hymns and anthems from 4 May to 4 July??

On the sixth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me, 6 gift cards for any 6 steak dinners
Pricing authority: Texas Roadhouse. – Louisville


On the seventh day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me: a $7700 line of Christmas Club credit at a 7% fixed interest rate
Pricing authority: J P Morgan Chase – New York

On the eighth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a Wilton kit to bake and decorate 8 Gingerbread men,
Pricing authority: exclusively available at Jo-Ann’s Crafts – Hudson, Ohio

On the 9th day of the 62 days of the American Commericial Wintertime Festival my true love gave to me case 9 / 544 of Tom Eddy 2002 Napa Valley California Cabernet Sauvignon from a classic hillside vineyards in Oakville Bench. “Elegant, impeccably balanced, beautifully structured, a well-built, serious wine packed with layers of fruit and promising great aging potential."

“A dark purple wine opens with an inviting nose of blackberry bouquet with hints of licorice and blueberry. On the palate, this wine is ultra smooth, elegant, with delicious black cherry flavors and spicy notes. The finish remains elegant; fine tannins linger for a tremendously long time.”

Nov 9: Meanwhile at Provo Towne Centre, the night gnomes have set up the two-story decorated tree and have started clearing the food court for Santa’s Court. The shoppes start to deck their halls with merchandising, fa la la la etc.

On the tenth day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love gave to me: a coupon for 10 percent off a purchase of 10 pounds of any New Zealand lamb products.
Pricing authority: Fresh Market Place – Salt Lake City


On the 11th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: an 11 foot tall flocked artificial holiday tree with multi-colored prestrung lighting.
Pricing Authority: Tai Pan Trading, Salt Lake City.

On the 12th Day of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a years supply of cosmetics and toiletries assorted, neatly boxed both by fragrance and month.
Pricing authority: Sephora, San Francisco.

ASIDE – why would anyone name a cosmetics store after the wife of Moses?? I could understand beauty spas named “Nefertari”

MEANWHILE -- 10 Nov: Fashion Place Mall, Murray Utah, has not started setting up any of their holiday decorations, yet – though a couple of their anchor department stores have.

MEANWHILE -- 10 Nov: Fashion Place Mall, Murray Utah, has not set up any holiday decorations, yet – though 2 anchor department stores have.

12 Nov: University Mall, Orem, is in full decoration mode for the wintertime festival, and what ug-g-g-ly decorations. Plastic Ornaments on fake trees the size of mortars. 15-foot-tall reindeer wearing the most fru fru Nutcracker Ballet outfits they can find.

On the 13th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True love gave to me: 13 ultra-thin Danish wrist-watches in gold, platinum, and titanium, in 13 different sizes and styles suitable for any social occasion formal or casual.
Pricing Authority: Skagen Denmark Design Limited, Reno.

On the 14th day of the 62 days of the American commercial wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: 14 pairs of Blomdahl shin high stiletto boots closed by zippers and buckles, in colors and styles assorted for various wintertime fashion activities.
Pricing Authority: Aldo Group, Montreal

On the 15th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival my True Love gave to me A coupon for 15 percent off the total bill for a longboard (sweet ride) and clothing accessories (rad).
Pricing authority: Industrial Rideshop , Tempe Arizona

Meanwhile --16 Nov: Provo Towne Centre's workers install its holiday decor in Nutcracker Ballet motif. Ghastly elven figures and 15-foot-tall Tchaikovskyesque characters with great hideous teeth line Kris Kringle's Throne Room. Take your pick: the Jesus holiday, the Santa holiday, and the Drosselmeyer holiday. ho ho ho

On the 16th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a 16 inch x 16 mm Black Tahitian matched AAAA Pearl Necklace
Price authority: Pearl Source, Los Angeles

17 Nov: I have already visited some homes and driven past other homes that have holiday decorations up and running. My household apparently held rather old-fashioned time table -- we decorated after Thanksgiving.

On the 17th Day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee : 17 certified organic skin care products in assorted tropical fruit and spice aromas
Pricing authority: Body Shop, Littlehampton West Sussex

On the 18th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 9 pairs of art deco cufflinks in 18 karot.
Pricing authority: Cufflinks.com , Dallas

18 Nov 8:00 p.m. Provo Towne Centre: Teenagers wearing long robes and striped scarves and carrying wands start hanging about for the midnight premiere of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I" at Cinemark. For the record -- I NEVER donned Jedi priestly garb to view a "Star Wars" episode, though I might have bought ...a "Lost in Space"-suit in 1965 had I the cash.

On the 19th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival my True love gave to me:
19 tickets for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I,” IMAX Theater at Jordan Commons – plus catering services for a movie party afterwards.
Pricing authority: Larry H Miller Megaplex Theaters, Salt Lake City

Warners took SO long to produce the “Harry Potter” wandcycle that it will need to transform Hogwarts into a Graduate School to accommodate Daniel, Rupert, and Emma’s advanced ages. The last picture will feature them graduating with their MOAA degrees — Masters of Occult Arts Administration.

In Utah, certain people find the film’s nudity – supposedly brief – upsetting. More so than the excessive violence, positive portrayal of the occult, and popularizing quidditch?? Hooray for Hollywood.

On the 20th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a coupon for 20 percent off the total price of any 20 inspirational books
Pricing authority: Deseret Book, Salt Lake City
.

On the 21th day of the 62 Days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a guys weekend out for me and my buddies golfing and surfing complete with golf carts, clam bake, two bungalows (20 and 21) with ocean views.
Pricing authority: The Inn at Spanish Bay, The Links at Spanish Bay, Spyglass Hill Golf Course -- Pebble Beach California

On the 22nd day my true love gave to me 22 gallons of gasoline every week for the next 22 weeks.
Pricing authority: Royal Dutch Shell plc – London.

On the 23rd day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me, 23 assorted boxes of lozenges, sprays, pills, decongestants, herbal teas, rubs, and injections to get me through the winter cold and flu season.
Pricing authority: Walgreens, Deerfield, Illinois

On the 24th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: an Egyptian art deco necklace in 24 carot
Pricing authority: Kmart — Hoffman Estates Illinois

On the 25th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: 25 chefs and waiters to do your annual Thanksgiving day brunch, Thanksgiving Day feast, and the marathon football snacking for all your in-laws who have no where else to descend but on your house.
Pricing Authority: Marvellous catering — Provo

One the 26th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a Dallas boutique hotel suite for her and her girlfriends for a shopping spree weekend complete with a personal buyer
Pricing authorities: Magnolia Hotel Downtown – Dallas
Neiman-Marcus – Dallas

on the 27th of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: a coupon for 27 percent off up to 27 different BYU football designer sweaters, sweats, jerseys, t-shirts, knickknacks, and souvenirs.
Pricing authority: BYU Bookstore – Provo

On the 28th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love I give to thee: a 28-karat diamond engagement ring in the biggest, most-vulgar, platinum Art Nuevo setting available
Pricing authority: Harry Winston on Rodeo Drive – Beverly Hills

On the 29th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my true love I give to thee as a token of . . . my esteem and affection: 29 assorted push ups, multi-ways, bikinis, hiphuggers, boyshorts, thongs, and garters in animal instinct patterns of various primary colors
Pricing authority: Victoria’s Secret – Columbus

On the 30th day of the 62 days of the American Commercial Wintertime Festival, my True Love gave to me: 30 percent off all the camping gear, clothing, boots, and climbing gear necessary for a mountaineering holiday at Crestone Peak (14,300 feet)
Pricing authority: Recreational Equipment Incorporated — Kent, Washington